Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
a whole new world
WELL!!! Ive become completly obsessed with blogging and the idea we no longer have internet in my house scares me. We are stealing wireless at an attempt to start closing bills in anticipation for our move in 4 weeks! Its going to be tough but I sure I'll manage the pilgrams did fine without it!
The holidays were especially different this year being as once again I celebrated in Miami. But I have to say it might sound a little gay but I think I woke up and got mature one morning and just decided to actually start living! Im always pretending to be nieve and trying to disconnect myself from the negative family aspects but in an effort to be more involved I directly opened my world over the past 2 weeks. Mi Tia CladaElena estoy aqui. Shes here for 3 weeks con mi Tio Ralphie visiting and Ive had to fortunate pleasure of spending the past 2 sundays filled with just them.
Man I really have enjoyed their company! more then you can imagine they have been married for 40 years and are still in love and show passion towards each other in so many little ways. He holds the door, gives her his jacket, she speaks and hes so into her and vice versa. The walk on the beach today as they simply just held each other and were so in love. It made me smile to see they were as young and full of love as myself. They are 69 and 70 years old and acted like they were 16 still.
Aside from the romance we just spoke about life and family and Im looking forward to next weeks brunch before they leave and Im also looking foward to my trip to Puerto Rico with them. Ive opened a new world.
Of course spending christmas day with mi Tio Carlos in Kendal was a blast as usual. Sad the kids couldn't be there due to some stupid court order his exwife is a bitch yo. These poor kids have to suffer through a tragic divorce with violence and apparent agression it makes me cry inside. That a woman can show such negative actions to her small children. But my uncle and I had a great time we ate we laughed we hugged he filled my tank up with gas! Christmas was great!
The holidays were especially different this year being as once again I celebrated in Miami. But I have to say it might sound a little gay but I think I woke up and got mature one morning and just decided to actually start living! Im always pretending to be nieve and trying to disconnect myself from the negative family aspects but in an effort to be more involved I directly opened my world over the past 2 weeks. Mi Tia CladaElena estoy aqui. Shes here for 3 weeks con mi Tio Ralphie visiting and Ive had to fortunate pleasure of spending the past 2 sundays filled with just them.
Man I really have enjoyed their company! more then you can imagine they have been married for 40 years and are still in love and show passion towards each other in so many little ways. He holds the door, gives her his jacket, she speaks and hes so into her and vice versa. The walk on the beach today as they simply just held each other and were so in love. It made me smile to see they were as young and full of love as myself. They are 69 and 70 years old and acted like they were 16 still.
Aside from the romance we just spoke about life and family and Im looking forward to next weeks brunch before they leave and Im also looking foward to my trip to Puerto Rico with them. Ive opened a new world.
Of course spending christmas day with mi Tio Carlos in Kendal was a blast as usual. Sad the kids couldn't be there due to some stupid court order his exwife is a bitch yo. These poor kids have to suffer through a tragic divorce with violence and apparent agression it makes me cry inside. That a woman can show such negative actions to her small children. But my uncle and I had a great time we ate we laughed we hugged he filled my tank up with gas! Christmas was great!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Tia Clada Elena
Yeah todays going to be a a fabulous day! First of all its December and its 80 outside! But more importantly I'm going to go and see my Tia today for the first time in like 10 years I'm really excited to get to see her! She kept speaking to me in Spanish when we first spoke as I answered her in English after the 3rd question she switched! ahaha I really need to get this Spanish speaking on a roll! Especially if Im going to be in Panama!
Friday, December 19, 2008
addiction
I'm really beat right now! I've had such a long week with all the no sleeping and then yesterday was the never ending night that bleed well into today. I'm emotionally drained dealing with my family at times. Now more so then ever! You would think by this point in my life I would understand and have different reactions to my moms drinking but I don't. It continually disrupts our relationship over and over again. I just don't understand it! I can't I really want to but I can't.
I am smart enough to understand how statistically an addiction works. But emotionally this is something that I can't relate to! JUST DON"T FUCKING DRINK!!! I party Im 24 Im a bartender I drink I act a fool sometimes and no not all the decisions I make are the right ones. But, I can go out drink water all night long and still have just as much fun, I love to be the DD! I never need to drink I just want to at times. i've gone months without drinking and I live in Miami and up until May was in college drinking is part of the lifestyle some might say. I never ever once have felt like it was at all in addiction or anything I had a problem with. In fact I've had more of a handle on my drinking then my eating habbits probably.
So, it brings me back to My mothers constant need to sneak around and drink knowing it hurts everyone around her and inevitably is ruining her life! It has destroyed our relationship for years making it hard for me to trust her or respect certain things. My brother has the same struggles and it has weighed in and crumbled her relationship with the man she's been faithful loyal and devoted to for the past damn near 15 years! I wish I could hate him but I understand his pain. I've suffered so much over the years maybe somewhat selfishly over her addiction but I can't help it. I love her and I want her to get better and understand how much it kills me inside to have this on going. It literally tears me up inside!! I don't even know what to do. How to handle the mess its created. I wanna run I wanna hide I wanna cry I wanna squeeze the shit out of her i wanna fight her i want her to know how much i love her and it makes tears roll down my face to know that this addiction has taken control of her life.
I am smart enough to understand how statistically an addiction works. But emotionally this is something that I can't relate to! JUST DON"T FUCKING DRINK!!! I party Im 24 Im a bartender I drink I act a fool sometimes and no not all the decisions I make are the right ones. But, I can go out drink water all night long and still have just as much fun, I love to be the DD! I never need to drink I just want to at times. i've gone months without drinking and I live in Miami and up until May was in college drinking is part of the lifestyle some might say. I never ever once have felt like it was at all in addiction or anything I had a problem with. In fact I've had more of a handle on my drinking then my eating habbits probably.
So, it brings me back to My mothers constant need to sneak around and drink knowing it hurts everyone around her and inevitably is ruining her life! It has destroyed our relationship for years making it hard for me to trust her or respect certain things. My brother has the same struggles and it has weighed in and crumbled her relationship with the man she's been faithful loyal and devoted to for the past damn near 15 years! I wish I could hate him but I understand his pain. I've suffered so much over the years maybe somewhat selfishly over her addiction but I can't help it. I love her and I want her to get better and understand how much it kills me inside to have this on going. It literally tears me up inside!! I don't even know what to do. How to handle the mess its created. I wanna run I wanna hide I wanna cry I wanna squeeze the shit out of her i wanna fight her i want her to know how much i love her and it makes tears roll down my face to know that this addiction has taken control of her life.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
blessed
So I may be slightly confused at times and not 100% sure of what I want but as Tish kindly pointed out today 24 sounds young! To me its embarking on a journey as she nears the next corner of her life it was a great year.I have to say we really all do get wiser and more beautiful with age. I just can't help but be great full for all my inspirations! Yeah there are the usual "celebrity inspirations" but for me inspirations are running all around my house and can be found in my G1! I could name them all but for now a few:
Tish- She helped me with out even realizing by opening me up to this entire blog site where I can allow another part of myself to be accepted and delivered ! She refers to the conversation with herself constantly and I couldn't put it better myself. life takes you where you need to go she told me earlier and I hope life brings her to New York with me! ( and all my friends)
K$- the angle we all hear about but she keeps me focused, and continues to push me to new heights, she reminds me the world is still filled with a few good eggs!
ROB E- Man this guy is truly a best friend! He's been my homie for years but a brother for a lifetime. That kid has seen me glamed up gorgeous, grossly ill, heart broken, and accomplished! Every hug, shoulder to learn on has been appreciated it! hes the partner in crime a single girl in Miami could use! He re instills my faith in a good honest man with core values ( LADIES HES taken but theres more like him!!! I'm gonna find mine eventually too)
KEA- Man this chick brought out a side of me that was just itching to get out! She opens my eyes to a green centered world i quickly look over, reminding me that knowledge is power and that Society is dangerous. Her constant words of wisdom and open mind of never judging and being thought provoking create a challenge within myself to continue to grow and evolve.
Emily- shes not around everyday but thank god she is when i need her! Every phone call she answers is like a breath of fresh air! Her home town roots and passion for the dreams are enlightening and interesting.
erika- she often times is my bed side journal for emotional vomiting as i share some rare deep dark thoughts with her! her wild free spirit and giving nature match my own and make it a true pleasure to have her around and be a better half
Heather my mother my best friend my therapist she wears many hats and has big shoes to fill! she does it all for me and her lil whitebread daughter whom is so freaking cute. Heather where would i be some days with out you? I dunno prolly beating myself in the head over a stupid boy or thinking to hard about my future. you constantly remind me you in your twenties SLOW DOWN live life.
I have more of you that are so significant to my everyday REBIRTH and growth maybe in more ways then we all know. The path is narrow the journey long, patience are a virtue and my mind races so fast sometimes I don't stop and think! I know I am the curly dark haired wild child at times but i love to love and learning is a must. Be thankful and remember as long as you appreciate it you deserve it and I appreciate the company i have been blessed to keep! YOU don't have to be Obama to be an inspiration or Britney Spears to be the center of attention. Just being your thoughtful charismatic self by sharing your thoughts and feelings can be an inspiration to those around you!
Tish- She helped me with out even realizing by opening me up to this entire blog site where I can allow another part of myself to be accepted and delivered ! She refers to the conversation with herself constantly and I couldn't put it better myself. life takes you where you need to go she told me earlier and I hope life brings her to New York with me! ( and all my friends)
K$- the angle we all hear about but she keeps me focused, and continues to push me to new heights, she reminds me the world is still filled with a few good eggs!
ROB E- Man this guy is truly a best friend! He's been my homie for years but a brother for a lifetime. That kid has seen me glamed up gorgeous, grossly ill, heart broken, and accomplished! Every hug, shoulder to learn on has been appreciated it! hes the partner in crime a single girl in Miami could use! He re instills my faith in a good honest man with core values ( LADIES HES taken but theres more like him!!! I'm gonna find mine eventually too)
KEA- Man this chick brought out a side of me that was just itching to get out! She opens my eyes to a green centered world i quickly look over, reminding me that knowledge is power and that Society is dangerous. Her constant words of wisdom and open mind of never judging and being thought provoking create a challenge within myself to continue to grow and evolve.
Emily- shes not around everyday but thank god she is when i need her! Every phone call she answers is like a breath of fresh air! Her home town roots and passion for the dreams are enlightening and interesting.
erika- she often times is my bed side journal for emotional vomiting as i share some rare deep dark thoughts with her! her wild free spirit and giving nature match my own and make it a true pleasure to have her around and be a better half
Heather my mother my best friend my therapist she wears many hats and has big shoes to fill! she does it all for me and her lil whitebread daughter whom is so freaking cute. Heather where would i be some days with out you? I dunno prolly beating myself in the head over a stupid boy or thinking to hard about my future. you constantly remind me you in your twenties SLOW DOWN live life.
I have more of you that are so significant to my everyday REBIRTH and growth maybe in more ways then we all know. The path is narrow the journey long, patience are a virtue and my mind races so fast sometimes I don't stop and think! I know I am the curly dark haired wild child at times but i love to love and learning is a must. Be thankful and remember as long as you appreciate it you deserve it and I appreciate the company i have been blessed to keep! YOU don't have to be Obama to be an inspiration or Britney Spears to be the center of attention. Just being your thoughtful charismatic self by sharing your thoughts and feelings can be an inspiration to those around you!
early morning commute
This is my drive to work!! I had more pictures but my lack of patience during the resizing process has gotten the better of me! I was driving to work in December; stunna shades on, fly kicks on my feet, tee shirt on, windows down just cruisin! The sun was shinning on the water making it blue as can be glistening on top! The cruise ships were docking, it was only 10;30 in the morning on a Monday but I was ready to start the week! I was warm hearted, open minded and curious about my future decision to leave the beach... Everyone has been talking about snow cryin about taking the train and so forth..... And look this is how I spend my morning rush hour.... Its an amazing thing but its ALMOST OVER NYC OR BUST BABY!!!
oh what a night!!!
its December and the parties keep going!!! its like never ending... between the 500 birthdays going on and all these holiday parties its no wonder we are all broke tired and a few pounds above normal! BUT AHHHH its well worth it. Last night the Miami Prime kids through a hell of a swaray and I have to say ERIKA really enjoyed it! I was a great friend making sure she stopped drinking and wasn't falling over too much and sure to capture all of it on film! They say to live for the nights we wont remember with the friends we will never forget ERIKA mission accomplished! Man i love that girl and she was hilarious! Soc and his Pjs JoseLynn announcing their love Anthony Yves and Wayne helping babysit who could ask for more??? oh yeah Karl made an amazing Sanata
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
its 4 AM AND IM AWAKE AHHHH
I didn't call either of them! I didn't really want too! I'm really happy! I'm kicking old habits right in the face! NOW I wish I could go back to nights when I slept! I'm really excited for the holidays although I will be here alone in this big ass house and everyone else will be home! I'll be working saving for my move! I can spend my time at Starbucks although I'm not a coffee drinker the entire atmosphere sets such a holiday vibe! They really are a great company and should be supported unlike Walmart!
Tonights Christmas party was a total blast!! There weren't many ugly sweaters as promised but I had an awesome time non the less! The evening was filled with underage drinkers, over aged party goers... and most of all the 4 roommates were all in attendance with HEATHER & KATIE that never happens! we missed a few people but attendance was high! Best of all I'm way more open to many people that in the past I would have been stand offish around!
Tonights Christmas party was a total blast!! There weren't many ugly sweaters as promised but I had an awesome time non the less! The evening was filled with underage drinkers, over aged party goers... and most of all the 4 roommates were all in attendance with HEATHER & KATIE that never happens! we missed a few people but attendance was high! Best of all I'm way more open to many people that in the past I would have been stand offish around!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Iraq tosses shoes at President!!!
I have to say I am impressed with his ability to move out of the way so quickly! I wonder if this is the first time he has ever had anything thrown at him during a speech! It just makes me wonder what is running through his head as all of these negative remarks are said about him and now someone has taken action and actually thrown something at him. In the You tube I watched they mentioned this being an action that signifies great disrespect measured far worse then a shoe being tossed in the United States. The presidents reaction about this being a step in the right direction is most certainly a glass half full response.
It is such a difficult time in our country right now for everyone with job losses and the cost of living sky rocketing. Being a twenty-something trying to survive is truly a hardship at the moment with limited jobs and opportunities being given to those with little to no experience. Then on top of that not having any confidence in the person that has been leading our country for the last 8 years! Now the guy gets a shoe tossed at him.... this is just plain old embarrassing and I have to say this relationship is OVER! it went sour long ago...... OBAMA and the Change we need are almost here HANG TIGHT!
It is such a difficult time in our country right now for everyone with job losses and the cost of living sky rocketing. Being a twenty-something trying to survive is truly a hardship at the moment with limited jobs and opportunities being given to those with little to no experience. Then on top of that not having any confidence in the person that has been leading our country for the last 8 years! Now the guy gets a shoe tossed at him.... this is just plain old embarrassing and I have to say this relationship is OVER! it went sour long ago...... OBAMA and the Change we need are almost here HANG TIGHT!
K$
Today is going to be a great day!!! I'm getting ready with Money to get christmas cookies, shopping, the GIANTS game, Raider vs Pats... I always have fun on sundays! I love my roommate hangs!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
abuela y abulelo
Buenos aqui es una foto de mi abuelo y abuela. Todo de mi famila soy de Puerto Rico pero yo vive en los estados unidios todo mi vida! Mi espanol son muy mal! Yo quiero hablando espanol mucho! So thats the extent of my crapass spanish! Man it really sucks to not be in sink with your heritage and not understand your own grandmother! My whole life I grew up being a brat not wanting to learn Spanish not feeling like it was a necessity now living in southern Florida I can't find a job cause my last name is Quinones but I don't speak fluent Spanish. Plus it ultra embarrassing that I don't speak Spanish!!! Granted growing up in MILFORD PA i never really had the need and my parents weren't together so it wasn't like I really was forced or spoon fed Spanish. I'm making it my priority to become more in touch with my heritage and my family! Being scared of speaking it wrong or improperly has hindered me from speaking to other people in this native tounge. Yet I'm over needing peoples approval on my cultural issues! YO SOY BORICUA!!!
Loud and Proud
Mi...I...Am...... This is me I'm Loud at times, I know I'm funny, I'm cute, I love to laugh sign and dance, I really have an obsession with Publix Choclate cake, I let some people walk all over me and others not even inside my bubble, I have accomplished the greatest thing I could think of and that was to graduate college! and make it through MIAMI! Sometimes I beat up on myself because of what others around me have to say YES I AM OPINIONATED and yes i go off my VIBES... NO I'm NOT perfect but I AM ME!!! I am Helenas!! I do think I deserve to be treated as a princess and in turn I treat my friends as royalty as well! As part of my REBIRTH at 24 now that I have gotten the sunscreen out of my eyes and the wax out of my ears Im starting to actually listen! So i started this whole Blog thing! To me its a way to share part of myself with not only you but myself and the constant thoughts running through my mind! I NEED TO SHOUT OUT LOUD I'M NOT SCARED!!! I'm not afraid of rejection and change( I am so im working on this 1 day at a time) and I truly do believe in MYSELF.... The lazyness stops here the questioning and pondering what if is done! Mi am I and I got here to this fabulous person I'm becoming with the help of my great amazing friends who constantly show their devotion and love to my person on a daily basis and for that I love them. I can't forget my family I would never their constant support and guidance is what keeps me trucking as the road continues to be filled with curves and hills speed bumps and roadkill... I will promise to LOVE MYSELF and Strive for greatness! I'm a strong, smart, Independent, fabulous young woman that will settle for nothing less! I AM 24 HEAR ME ROAR!
Friday, December 12, 2008
recognition
It seems like just when I know I'm ready to move and take on the big city since there isn't much left for me to conquer in Miami a speed bump is added to the mix! I work for adidas and I love it! I strongly believe in what the company values are but maybe don't agree with the corporate hooopla! I have the most amazing boss ever...shes a true inspiration of a woman in so many ways! Everyone at our store has their own relationship with her. I refer to her as my fairy-god mother. She asked me if I would be interested in becoming a team lead at the new store opening! The fact that she thought of me was great! It took me two weeks to make the decision to turn it down. Then the day i did our DM comes to town. A man I've never met and infact never even spoken with. He tells me that he heard I turned down the position and was disappointed. WHOA! i just told her like 20 mins before he got there. Chris was humorous about the situation. But he spoke so highly of my leadership skills and how he was looking forward to having me be at this store ( the soon to be busiest store in the company) and it was a little moving. More so because all of my hard work paid off and was recognized by someone not in my store! For him to know everything he knew he really pays attention to details in the reports and my fairy god mother really went to work letting him know I'd be great! You never really get that at jobs where someone has your better interests in mind. But its a great feeling to know that my hard work was noticed and appreciated!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Happy Birthday!! Its December so it's everyones bday... I of course love birthdays especially since chocolate cake is vital for survival! I made these for someone who didn't receive them so I'm sharing them with all the Sag babies on the block! Happy Birthday to you and ME :) You don't need much in life for me cake, shoes and good laughs are more then enough...okay and the sun
Any time you need a good slice of cake Publix has the most amazing bakery ever! and they have a Chocolate Fudge cake for 8.99 that could easily create world peace and end world hunger! ( I know only a few more years till i can run for office! stay tuned)
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
forever?
Heres my beef!! I log onto facebook do a lil searching see how well everyone is doing in their lives where they live how they photograph whats new in their neck of the woods and it feels like everyday I discover someone else is engaged! or better yet MARRIED... like till death do us part forever and ever married! I mean congrats to all of you! i love it for you!
Now..... I just turned 24 all of 2 days ago and have no plans in sight for marriage or children I can't imagine paying for a wedding oh wait! let me slow down....I have no prospect of a husband either.... It seems all the guys that wanna get married live in the Northeast and all the guys in Miami have no clue what they are doing tomorrow let along forever! Are there different ideas of life on different parts of the country? I know Cali is more green, theres that weird bible belt of hypocrites, Florida land of retirees and non-committable ppl, then there is the northeast section of the map. College romances blossoming into beautiful weddings leading to babies and good jobs? I'm not jealous at all by this marriage idea since I'm not there yet in my life.... I'm just not sure how I can have 15 People from up there getting married and all but 1 friend in Miami taking the leap into forever! And hes 30!!! I mean by then I hope to have walked down the isle in my white dress thrown my flowers and ride into the moonlight with my perfect Prince Charming. But at 24 I'm not so into the idea of forever with just 1 person. And what is it about down here that people don't seem to date same??? maybe its just me and my guy choices but comparing the north and south up top seems to be throwing a lot more rice then down here! For now I'm 24 and in love with over indulging, tanning oil, ladies nights, and not having to share my closet!!
to all those happy couples CONGRATS!
Now..... I just turned 24 all of 2 days ago and have no plans in sight for marriage or children I can't imagine paying for a wedding oh wait! let me slow down....I have no prospect of a husband either.... It seems all the guys that wanna get married live in the Northeast and all the guys in Miami have no clue what they are doing tomorrow let along forever! Are there different ideas of life on different parts of the country? I know Cali is more green, theres that weird bible belt of hypocrites, Florida land of retirees and non-committable ppl, then there is the northeast section of the map. College romances blossoming into beautiful weddings leading to babies and good jobs? I'm not jealous at all by this marriage idea since I'm not there yet in my life.... I'm just not sure how I can have 15 People from up there getting married and all but 1 friend in Miami taking the leap into forever! And hes 30!!! I mean by then I hope to have walked down the isle in my white dress thrown my flowers and ride into the moonlight with my perfect Prince Charming. But at 24 I'm not so into the idea of forever with just 1 person. And what is it about down here that people don't seem to date same??? maybe its just me and my guy choices but comparing the north and south up top seems to be throwing a lot more rice then down here! For now I'm 24 and in love with over indulging, tanning oil, ladies nights, and not having to share my closet!!
to all those happy couples CONGRATS!
Positive
What the hell is with everyone always being so negative??? I don't understand it... is it simply to make you think more??? is it cause they are jealous???? is it cause they are confused by your question??? Why does everything have to have a definitive answer???? Sometimes I wake up shower and I like to put my socks on first... no reason just because..... I get a vibe a feeling I want to go with it...... I don't always have the same opinion twice and everything in life is situational.... yesterday I was feelin purple today im an orange kinda girl....
I'm lucky to have people who care around me but damn whats with the negative?
Big City lights...rats in the subway...food on every corner...fashion oozing out of the pores... buildings...late nights... no parking.....fast paced hustle HERE I COME!!!
I'm lucky to have people who care around me but damn whats with the negative?
Big City lights...rats in the subway...food on every corner...fashion oozing out of the pores... buildings...late nights... no parking.....fast paced hustle HERE I COME!!!
Monday, December 8, 2008
WHOA!
So, I'm here I'm at that point of my life I've been waiting for! I've learned limits in friendship and love, and my work habits. I'm continually changing and growing on the road to success. With only 68 days left in Miami I'm prepared to jump into the new! Here I come New York! I'm 24 hear me ROAR! My feelings are so up and down so here and there. But Im ready to go big or go home. Miami was an amazing ride but Im and ready to continue forming into my ultimate destiny and the next chapter in my book is new york! I only ask that everyone support my decision and not focus on the negative. I'm stricktly moving forward starting yesterday!
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