YES!!! The weather was magical today the temp was a fabulous 85 ahhhhh just what the doctor ordered. Now mother nature lets keep it that way. (thank you)
This morning my friend Jennifer asked me a question she asked," how is it Helenas with all the bad and rough shit you got goin on in your life you still remain to be so happy and smile everyday?"
I simply remarked I am blessed. I truly am I have so many great amazing things to smile about. I may be dealing with a cracked heart ( its not broken) But my friends are right here to guide me through it. They listen they advise and they wipe my tears when they fall from my face. I do not feel as though I am wearing a mask to hide my pride. When I smile my big proud smile I am radiant! I do not have the easiest life in the world but I do compared to most. I am dedicated and motivated. I am fabulous and I am in good company!
(I learned from Tish) I do not know who I am yet But I know who I'm not! As we walk through the life journey it is a mystery. We are all filled with mystery and some of it will always remain a mystery. I just smile everyday since my path is the yellow brick road and I am not ever walking it alone!
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Errol
I had the most enlightening convo this evening with Errol ( my sisters man) and I have to say he not only opened my mind up to myself but took it to another level with how I feel about him and HE took it to another level with his relationship With Angie and I approve.
The man is about to be on blast here but he will be okay;
The man sent her an email explaining the reasons that he loved her and he listed them after proclaiming I don't love you because I have to I love you because of you and I choose too...
He loves her because she is strong, independent, a great mother, an amazing friend, he can be his self around her, she makes him smile, shes a student, hard working, has a HUGE heart, isn't afraid to be her and roll solo... he said it wasn't just because of the baby that he loves her. That he really loves her for her...
The opening sentence brought tears to my eyes i boohooed like a bitch i read it twice. He had no idea i read it when he was offering me advice reminding me of my exuberant energy I should not be wasting on anyone. I listened tonight I listened good and hard. i hear the words and now I will live them. maybe I really am learning
The man is about to be on blast here but he will be okay;
The man sent her an email explaining the reasons that he loved her and he listed them after proclaiming I don't love you because I have to I love you because of you and I choose too...
He loves her because she is strong, independent, a great mother, an amazing friend, he can be his self around her, she makes him smile, shes a student, hard working, has a HUGE heart, isn't afraid to be her and roll solo... he said it wasn't just because of the baby that he loves her. That he really loves her for her...
The opening sentence brought tears to my eyes i boohooed like a bitch i read it twice. He had no idea i read it when he was offering me advice reminding me of my exuberant energy I should not be wasting on anyone. I listened tonight I listened good and hard. i hear the words and now I will live them. maybe I really am learning
Sunday, March 8, 2009
the phenominal women
The Phenominal women
You got all excited to tell me about your writing about your learnings. The same excitment a young student has you shared at your age. The excitment in your eyes lit my insides up like a christmas tree. i can't remember the last time you smiled that way. Your smile was big and bright your eyes were filled with hope and energy. You have a new path a new set of goals and hopes. These hopes are the dreams that fill your mind both day and night. These same dreams I have drempt for you are now closer to reality. My rebirth came at 24 when I awoke and yours a tad bit later at anyevent you are reborn again. Within your mind you body and soul your thoughts have changed have matured and have become so great you can taste them. Your fizzle at the mouth when You see the positive results in your work.Steps are slowly turning into leaps and bounds. Your learning there are no limits and although coloring outside the lines is dangerous in life taking risks is not. Dreaming at any age becomes a reality. You have read the Phenominal women and now you awaken to learn that she is you and you are her. That there are no boundries on dreams and goals. The only boundries are the ones you create for yourself! I have a twinkle in my eye to see you grow i have never been so proud
You got all excited to tell me about your writing about your learnings. The same excitment a young student has you shared at your age. The excitment in your eyes lit my insides up like a christmas tree. i can't remember the last time you smiled that way. Your smile was big and bright your eyes were filled with hope and energy. You have a new path a new set of goals and hopes. These hopes are the dreams that fill your mind both day and night. These same dreams I have drempt for you are now closer to reality. My rebirth came at 24 when I awoke and yours a tad bit later at anyevent you are reborn again. Within your mind you body and soul your thoughts have changed have matured and have become so great you can taste them. Your fizzle at the mouth when You see the positive results in your work.Steps are slowly turning into leaps and bounds. Your learning there are no limits and although coloring outside the lines is dangerous in life taking risks is not. Dreaming at any age becomes a reality. You have read the Phenominal women and now you awaken to learn that she is you and you are her. That there are no boundries on dreams and goals. The only boundries are the ones you create for yourself! I have a twinkle in my eye to see you grow i have never been so proud
Saturday, March 7, 2009
1 drink too many
My moms drinking problem is something that eats me alive both day and night. I've struggled with these feelings my entire life and it doesn't hurt any less as I get older. I almost feel like the pain is cutting in deeper as I get older because I feel helpless. Everyone is always offering great advice and lending a listening ear but it still hurts. Its a pain I can't describe It just eats and eats on me. Its like her shitty choices snack on my soul. At an attempt to let her know how I felt I wrote an enraged 3 page letter. The letter had my heart splattered all over it as thought I just took it out of my chest and dropped it on the page. I hope when she opens the letter she can see it and feel it the way I do. I left the letter on the counter and instructed Darryl to give it to my mother. He of course read it. Called me claimed he wasn't being nosey but couldn't help himself. Im glad he read it I left it there for him to read. I want the whole world around me to know maybe then she will get it. But this opened the door for Darryl and I to have a conversation about this. The man never does this his feelings are shut tighter then the banks doors on christmas. I loved it we chatted we spoke I was honest he was honest. I feel like he knows me better now. My brother and I are his only kids he never wants to have any of his own ( after me they couldn't ever top this so why try LOL) Im lucky hes my step father and hes lucky Im his kid and my mom is lucky to have all of us behind her supporting her. I hope the letter opens her mind body and soul to change. I can't handle her to have even another drink !!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
a whole new world
WELL!!! Ive become completly obsessed with blogging and the idea we no longer have internet in my house scares me. We are stealing wireless at an attempt to start closing bills in anticipation for our move in 4 weeks! Its going to be tough but I sure I'll manage the pilgrams did fine without it!
The holidays were especially different this year being as once again I celebrated in Miami. But I have to say it might sound a little gay but I think I woke up and got mature one morning and just decided to actually start living! Im always pretending to be nieve and trying to disconnect myself from the negative family aspects but in an effort to be more involved I directly opened my world over the past 2 weeks. Mi Tia CladaElena estoy aqui. Shes here for 3 weeks con mi Tio Ralphie visiting and Ive had to fortunate pleasure of spending the past 2 sundays filled with just them.
Man I really have enjoyed their company! more then you can imagine they have been married for 40 years and are still in love and show passion towards each other in so many little ways. He holds the door, gives her his jacket, she speaks and hes so into her and vice versa. The walk on the beach today as they simply just held each other and were so in love. It made me smile to see they were as young and full of love as myself. They are 69 and 70 years old and acted like they were 16 still.
Aside from the romance we just spoke about life and family and Im looking forward to next weeks brunch before they leave and Im also looking foward to my trip to Puerto Rico with them. Ive opened a new world.
Of course spending christmas day with mi Tio Carlos in Kendal was a blast as usual. Sad the kids couldn't be there due to some stupid court order his exwife is a bitch yo. These poor kids have to suffer through a tragic divorce with violence and apparent agression it makes me cry inside. That a woman can show such negative actions to her small children. But my uncle and I had a great time we ate we laughed we hugged he filled my tank up with gas! Christmas was great!
The holidays were especially different this year being as once again I celebrated in Miami. But I have to say it might sound a little gay but I think I woke up and got mature one morning and just decided to actually start living! Im always pretending to be nieve and trying to disconnect myself from the negative family aspects but in an effort to be more involved I directly opened my world over the past 2 weeks. Mi Tia CladaElena estoy aqui. Shes here for 3 weeks con mi Tio Ralphie visiting and Ive had to fortunate pleasure of spending the past 2 sundays filled with just them.
Man I really have enjoyed their company! more then you can imagine they have been married for 40 years and are still in love and show passion towards each other in so many little ways. He holds the door, gives her his jacket, she speaks and hes so into her and vice versa. The walk on the beach today as they simply just held each other and were so in love. It made me smile to see they were as young and full of love as myself. They are 69 and 70 years old and acted like they were 16 still.
Aside from the romance we just spoke about life and family and Im looking forward to next weeks brunch before they leave and Im also looking foward to my trip to Puerto Rico with them. Ive opened a new world.
Of course spending christmas day with mi Tio Carlos in Kendal was a blast as usual. Sad the kids couldn't be there due to some stupid court order his exwife is a bitch yo. These poor kids have to suffer through a tragic divorce with violence and apparent agression it makes me cry inside. That a woman can show such negative actions to her small children. But my uncle and I had a great time we ate we laughed we hugged he filled my tank up with gas! Christmas was great!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Tia Clada Elena
Yeah todays going to be a a fabulous day! First of all its December and its 80 outside! But more importantly I'm going to go and see my Tia today for the first time in like 10 years I'm really excited to get to see her! She kept speaking to me in Spanish when we first spoke as I answered her in English after the 3rd question she switched! ahaha I really need to get this Spanish speaking on a roll! Especially if Im going to be in Panama!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
abuela y abulelo
Buenos aqui es una foto de mi abuelo y abuela. Todo de mi famila soy de Puerto Rico pero yo vive en los estados unidios todo mi vida! Mi espanol son muy mal! Yo quiero hablando espanol mucho! So thats the extent of my crapass spanish! Man it really sucks to not be in sink with your heritage and not understand your own grandmother! My whole life I grew up being a brat not wanting to learn Spanish not feeling like it was a necessity now living in southern Florida I can't find a job cause my last name is Quinones but I don't speak fluent Spanish. Plus it ultra embarrassing that I don't speak Spanish!!! Granted growing up in MILFORD PA i never really had the need and my parents weren't together so it wasn't like I really was forced or spoon fed Spanish. I'm making it my priority to become more in touch with my heritage and my family! Being scared of speaking it wrong or improperly has hindered me from speaking to other people in this native tounge. Yet I'm over needing peoples approval on my cultural issues! YO SOY BORICUA!!!
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