addiction

I'm really beat right now! I've had such a long week with all the no sleeping and then yesterday was the never ending night that bleed well into today. I'm emotionally drained dealing with my family at times. Now more so then ever! You would think by this point in my life I would understand and have different reactions to my moms drinking but I don't. It continually disrupts our relationship over and over again. I just don't understand it! I can't I really want to but I can't.
I am smart enough to understand how statistically an addiction works. But emotionally this is something that I can't relate to! JUST DON"T FUCKING DRINK!!! I party Im 24 Im a bartender I drink I act a fool sometimes and no not all the decisions I make are the right ones. But, I can go out drink water all night long and still have just as much fun, I love to be the DD! I never need to drink I just want to at times. i've gone months without drinking and I live in Miami and up until May was in college drinking is part of the lifestyle some might say. I never ever once have felt like it was at all in addiction or anything I had a problem with. In fact I've had more of a handle on my drinking then my eating habbits probably.
So, it brings me back to My mothers constant need to sneak around and drink knowing it hurts everyone around her and inevitably is ruining her life! It has destroyed our relationship for years making it hard for me to trust her or respect certain things. My brother has the same struggles and it has weighed in and crumbled her relationship with the man she's been faithful loyal and devoted to for the past damn near 15 years! I wish I could hate him but I understand his pain. I've suffered so much over the years maybe somewhat selfishly over her addiction but I can't help it. I love her and I want her to get better and understand how much it kills me inside to have this on going. It literally tears me up inside!! I don't even know what to do. How to handle the mess its created. I wanna run I wanna hide I wanna cry I wanna squeeze the shit out of her i wanna fight her i want her to know how much i love her and it makes tears roll down my face to know that this addiction has taken control of her life.