preperations

you can only prepare your mind heart body and soul for so much in life. You prepare your mind for work or school by studying and reading, prepare for sports with practice and you prepare your soul for good by treating people the way you want to be treated. Can you truly prepare your HEART??

When you get stuck by cupid and fall in LOVE you never are aware who that person is going to be or when its going to happen thats why they say don't look for it. When your on a witch hunt for love you come up as short as looking for a tear drop in the ocean...... When heart break comes it hits you like a brick wall you didn't see in front of you. There isn't a way to prepare for the burning sensation in your stomach or the empty pit in your chest. Heart ache just BURNSSS and when you think about it your chest goes up in flames as though to add gasonline to a fire.... Can you prepare for Love to end???

They say life ends loving doesn't and thats oh so very true but does the broken heart sting less if you were prepared? I'm going to say YES... because I want to believe YES so i am putting the energy in the atmosphere to be YES!! This week has been a tough one lots of changes with the passing of Mr. Kalin but one thing that hasn't changed is how devoted to him Mrs. Kalin has been... I keep writing about it but its surrounding me. In a time where i question true love and emortal happiness she keeps proving to me it exists. they reached 50 years Lyndsay hopes her and Chris go all 50 I know they will. Love is a funny emotion and the heart is a sensative organ. Love is hard and rock solid and a heart if fragil and tempermental. But newlyweds or the tenured have a glow about them when its real. Because when its real its neverending..... Mrs. Kalin kept every promise and granted every wish honnoring ever last vow just the way Lyndsay will and one day i will... the same goes for those who dont put the vows on paper.. Cause Mom and Darryl they have that rock hard love the heavy metal kind i guess mixed with salsa.

Mrs. Kalin has smiled every day and for every tear she shed she has smiled again showing that the love doesn't end.. the pain burns and its empty but she is filled with memories and surrounded by people that love her. She had a fullfilling marriage and met the man she spent forever with in highschool and they watched each other grow up.. Not many people can say that.. I sure no i won't but No matter when you meet your macth the important thing is to know that growing old together is compromise and love is sacrafice and is never ending..... xoxox

there is that word again

Im back again with more thoughts i didn't really complete my thoughts the other night and now after watching oddly enough some reality tv some more emotions have surfaced. I should preface this with it's a friday night with perfect weather in NYC and yeah I'm home blogging watching my DVR... i am NOT WINNING! This is a tough city to be single in especially if your living on a budget and well student loans and vacationing are my passion so I spend extra nights at home to spend extra nights on beaches.

LOVE your everywhere yet something that people act like its no where. I'm watching this show and the woman and her husband havn't been intimate in 2 years, they are both miserable and all she does is cry!! WHY IS SHE WITH HIM??? She is 50 and afraid she won't find anyone else! WHOA! Lady your nuts and you will find someone eventually why be miserable? Why are you afraid of divorce. My generation marries and divorces as though the vow meant 5 years not till death do us part. My generation most people their parents got divorced but not their grandparents. My parents divorced THANK GOD! My parents love each other and are best friends. My mother's mother still loved my grandfather till the day he died even though he didn't treat her like a queen. Mi Tia Clara and mi Tio Ralphie are still together and happier then ever. Everytime I speak with them its as though they are newly weds. Then there is Mrs. Kalin <3 she has proven to show love as something that is ever lasting and as easy as making toast.

It saddens me to accept that Mr.Kalin has returned to god this week. I can't explain how empty it feels inside when you think about it. But it's a little easier knowing he was ready; and he lived a fullfilling life. Even if he was a cowboys fan ( yuck!) My dad always reminds me that as you get older you learn that you have it all. Mr. Kalin has a family that he created and they are all mini versions so there is no question that his legacy lives on. He will forever have us eating hot dogs and Len & joes pizza. NOT to mention we are all investing our money properly and don't worry I'll never pay $50 to park in NYC. He always said to keep climbing to the top of the corporate ladder and trust me I am working on it. Over the years he always took his time to listen to my work issues and guide me through them. He was always eager to hear about my travels or silly adventures. His tough old bird mind frame fit in perfect with my dad. Dad loved him and always talks about him. My mom feels like thats her father and well there is no describing the conversations him and his boys shared. But there is that damn word again LOVE and well it's no secret to the world how much Mrs.Kalin loves him and how devoted she was to him. I've written about her patience her ability to tend to him as though he was the only person in the room. But sometimes on these lonely friday nights I fall asleep thinking about how in 30 or 40 years Im going to smile that same smile to my husband ( if i ever find him). In a world where love is a word printed on tee shirts and billboards and people spell it LUV. It's sometimes hard to point out or figure out when it's the L-O-V-E kind. For me I don't question it I know what it feels like and what it looks like. I have had some amazing examples right in front of me. Besides love isn't just me loving a nice guy who wants to spend forever with me. Love is every Christimas Lyndsay and I raiding the cabinets for the snacks Mommy and Mrs. Kalin make us. Love is my dad coming to the house to see me even if he has a dizzy spell. Love is when Todd wipes moms forks clean and we all laugh cause we know he is going to do it. Love is when my brother tells me to shut up and listen. Love is when my mom hugs me so tight im gonna POP! Or when I'm leaving and i try to hug darryl and he tells me okay with the gay stuff. Love is when Wezzer eats ice cream with me on the couch till i fall asleep. and Love is defiantly when Jennuh shares the bed with me and my snoring.
At the end of the day I have more love and seen more examples in a weekend then people get in a life time. So sometimes on Friday nights I remember I don't need to be out on the scene surrounded by lames that I can look out my window and smile because I live in NYC and have an amazing view and a great job with awesome friends but above all I have a HUGE FAMILY that LOVES me and supports me. I also in turn try to do the same and support them and show them how much they all mean to me.
My heart goes out to Mrs. Kalin because I don't know the emotion she is feeling. I've had a broken heart for having loved the wrong one but never have i had the feeling she is feeling. But I know she can only smile for having been lucky enough in this world to have found a great man to share an amazing life with of patience,adventure,hard work and dedication in which they created amazing Children grandchildren and got some Puerto Rican all up in the family tree. Tonight I have no tears just memories of delightful moments passed and some day dreams of the memories to come. xoxox

the cycle of life

I'm no longer an avid blogger as the twitter world and my journal now are home to my random and sparatic thoughts. But today right now my mind is racing beyond the 125 characters twitter gives you and my journal shouldn't be the only pages where todays thoughts end:

I want to stand on a mountain top and scream at god and ask him WHY?? No seriously why??? I am so confused in my old age by so many different things. Why are some girls so skinny and others fat... Why are some men raised gentleman and others not?? Why do some people get to enjoy life to the fullest and other spend it in struggle?? But above all why does life have to end?? My dad says its the cycle and the good lord givith and the the good lord take.

I'm 26 and until January the only heart ace I have ever felt is loosing a job, not getting accepted to the University of Tampa and over some stupid boys. But in January I experienced a whole new emotion when the lord took my Uncle back home. It was the first time I had lost anyone close to me and it was so impactful. It changed my family unit to add two more little brat blessings to my home. But it made me value the moments with them and my family even more. I call more I email more and i have even come to terms with things i never thought i would.

It's magical and glistens the same way the sun glistens on ur skin covered in tanning oil on the beach . It's sparkles they way my eyes sparkle when I look at him . In facts it's as sweet and innocent as I feel around him. The fluffy texture and cold touch often compare to feelings as well. When the snow falls these days the city skips a beat. As the street are covered in the parklie powder everything shuts down. The mess that occurs simaltaniosly as it falls takes nothing Away from the magical feeling when it begins to deemed from the skies above. The element are a true wonder they are nearly unpredictable and even though often times we pray for their arrival we are more satisfied apon their departure. Mixed feelings seem to be whT I'm comprised of since 1 minute he fills me with joy but then I come back down to reality take a step back and remember it's like the snow fall cute in the start but no real drive to get going at the end

Great night great company and a nice walk home in the snow untouched

Good times

It's tough when u get so use to a certain lifestyle to get acclimated to something new. But what if the something new is ur dream?? My dream was to be here in NYC and to continue my path to success. My success path was always about work and bringing on the bacon to a family I assumed would just occur. Never in my timeline did I leave space to find mr right lol. I'm not "looking" now bit I wouldn't mind if he showed up soon . Single in new York is about as common as bagel trucks in the morning everywhere! But what keeps me okay with single in knowing I've got real friends whom I love being around so single ain't bad as long as u have alternative company

It's crazy how emotions are uncontrollable and how intense you can feel. It doesn't matter if it's love toward someone or the way you feel about work or maybe just a situation. Emotions run right through you and some you can't even control. I can't help I love the way he smells and I can't help that his smile will always make me weak in the knees. Its an amazing feeling that a friend can hug your problems away. everytime I smell certain detergent it reminds me of brooklyn and puerto Rico . I can't even describe the warm and free sensation I feel when sunlight touches my skin. I hate the time of the month when water falls through my eyes. I do know I love when he calls me helenas :) I'm just a girl in the world filled with emotion and energy to share . My moms cupcakes me me smile and my dads laugh is contagious. I know I love the way the ocean meets the surface and how when the waves crash it's as though they drag your problems off to sea and u can be free. The nervous feeling I get around him and how I turn into a little school girl makes me Smh. At night I lay in bed and listen to the cars drive over the bridge and watch the sunset over NYC from my window. It's all so surreal to me that I'm here and this is my amazing life Im not a movie star or model and well a singing career wouldn't ever happen either. But my dreams to be surrounded by people I love has come true. Nope I'm not married and maybe he doesn't smile the same way when he sees me . But I have way more then 1 girl might get in a life time ! I'm successful have a huge!!! Amazing family I'm a dreamer and although I believe in fairy tales I know the reality. 2011 is all me baby and my emotions my wonderful feelings

true love

Christmas this year was great!My brother and I have grown to really enjoy the moments we get to spend together. My family has grown to be one solid unit after many years and it bring me great joy. But this Christmas i have again had my faith in true love reaffirmed.

Watching Darryl's parents over the holiday was a true act of love. As his father has grown increasingly ill his mother has been by his side for every moment and every beck and call. Taking care of an old man is no easy task to begin with. But as a fussy man grows older and more ill more patience are necessary.

The love in which she tends to him is nearly indescribable. Throughout the morning she had a joyful look as she made an individual breakfast for each person. She patiently awaited her husband to finish his and met every request he had. She then cleaned and gifted everyone. Her smiles lite up the room. But throughout the weekend she tended to his needs and moved slow with him. She sat with him she held him at all times she moved at his pace. She never once so much as lifted a brow or sighed heavy. Everything she did she did with love and it pleased her to assist the man she loves.

They did say for better or worse sick or poor till death do them part. They are living to the vows they promised and they have given another example of true love. Christmas was no special event she will continue these actions forever