there is that word again

Im back again with more thoughts i didn't really complete my thoughts the other night and now after watching oddly enough some reality tv some more emotions have surfaced. I should preface this with it's a friday night with perfect weather in NYC and yeah I'm home blogging watching my DVR... i am NOT WINNING! This is a tough city to be single in especially if your living on a budget and well student loans and vacationing are my passion so I spend extra nights at home to spend extra nights on beaches.

LOVE your everywhere yet something that people act like its no where. I'm watching this show and the woman and her husband havn't been intimate in 2 years, they are both miserable and all she does is cry!! WHY IS SHE WITH HIM??? She is 50 and afraid she won't find anyone else! WHOA! Lady your nuts and you will find someone eventually why be miserable? Why are you afraid of divorce. My generation marries and divorces as though the vow meant 5 years not till death do us part. My generation most people their parents got divorced but not their grandparents. My parents divorced THANK GOD! My parents love each other and are best friends. My mother's mother still loved my grandfather till the day he died even though he didn't treat her like a queen. Mi Tia Clara and mi Tio Ralphie are still together and happier then ever. Everytime I speak with them its as though they are newly weds. Then there is Mrs. Kalin <3 she has proven to show love as something that is ever lasting and as easy as making toast.

It saddens me to accept that Mr.Kalin has returned to god this week. I can't explain how empty it feels inside when you think about it. But it's a little easier knowing he was ready; and he lived a fullfilling life. Even if he was a cowboys fan ( yuck!) My dad always reminds me that as you get older you learn that you have it all. Mr. Kalin has a family that he created and they are all mini versions so there is no question that his legacy lives on. He will forever have us eating hot dogs and Len & joes pizza. NOT to mention we are all investing our money properly and don't worry I'll never pay $50 to park in NYC. He always said to keep climbing to the top of the corporate ladder and trust me I am working on it. Over the years he always took his time to listen to my work issues and guide me through them. He was always eager to hear about my travels or silly adventures. His tough old bird mind frame fit in perfect with my dad. Dad loved him and always talks about him. My mom feels like thats her father and well there is no describing the conversations him and his boys shared. But there is that damn word again LOVE and well it's no secret to the world how much Mrs.Kalin loves him and how devoted she was to him. I've written about her patience her ability to tend to him as though he was the only person in the room. But sometimes on these lonely friday nights I fall asleep thinking about how in 30 or 40 years Im going to smile that same smile to my husband ( if i ever find him). In a world where love is a word printed on tee shirts and billboards and people spell it LUV. It's sometimes hard to point out or figure out when it's the L-O-V-E kind. For me I don't question it I know what it feels like and what it looks like. I have had some amazing examples right in front of me. Besides love isn't just me loving a nice guy who wants to spend forever with me. Love is every Christimas Lyndsay and I raiding the cabinets for the snacks Mommy and Mrs. Kalin make us. Love is my dad coming to the house to see me even if he has a dizzy spell. Love is when Todd wipes moms forks clean and we all laugh cause we know he is going to do it. Love is when my brother tells me to shut up and listen. Love is when my mom hugs me so tight im gonna POP! Or when I'm leaving and i try to hug darryl and he tells me okay with the gay stuff. Love is when Wezzer eats ice cream with me on the couch till i fall asleep. and Love is defiantly when Jennuh shares the bed with me and my snoring.
At the end of the day I have more love and seen more examples in a weekend then people get in a life time. So sometimes on Friday nights I remember I don't need to be out on the scene surrounded by lames that I can look out my window and smile because I live in NYC and have an amazing view and a great job with awesome friends but above all I have a HUGE FAMILY that LOVES me and supports me. I also in turn try to do the same and support them and show them how much they all mean to me.
My heart goes out to Mrs. Kalin because I don't know the emotion she is feeling. I've had a broken heart for having loved the wrong one but never have i had the feeling she is feeling. But I know she can only smile for having been lucky enough in this world to have found a great man to share an amazing life with of patience,adventure,hard work and dedication in which they created amazing Children grandchildren and got some Puerto Rican all up in the family tree. Tonight I have no tears just memories of delightful moments passed and some day dreams of the memories to come. xoxox